I’ll leave your girlfriend out of it (even though she is obviously on acid), but you have to knock it off buddy. Harry Potter was a great series of books, but it’s not real. There is no Hogwarts. There’s just people who wear stupid wizard clothing in public and learn whatever language the Ewoks speak.
Hey baby, what are you doing later? Maybe we can hit the beach. You can keep your hat on so we don’t have to get an umbrella and you can just tell me what song you want to hear next and I can lean over and queue it up for you. You know, because you can’t because you’re wearing your pink iPod on the side of your pink hat.
Seriously? Play time is fun and all, but this isn’t right. You’ve got this almost-smile on your face that says “Oh my gosh, this is so silly, hurry up and take the picture.” But even more importantly, if you’re going to try to look like a super hero, don’t make it seem like you’re about to poo all over your high heels if you don’t get through that door and into the can quickly.
But it’s pink zebra striped!?! If anyone from Black Flag was in the crowd, they would have jumped the stage and punched you in the face. Actually, if anyone in the crowd even liked Black Flag, they would have jumped the stage and punched you in the face. Keytars are never punk. It doesn’t matter how many tattoos you have, how much you X up your hands or how intense you look when playing it. If you insist on having keyboards in your shitty band, use a real keyboard.
You’re retarded: Get me your parents. They’ve gotta take those homemade antlers off your head. Secondly, they have to get you a clean shirt – one without your drool on it. Thirdly, they should put you to bed for a solid eight hours and get those bags our from under your eyes. Finally, get them to give you a shave and make you close your mouth.
You’re not retared: Are you sure?
Why don’t you just toss her in a backpack? At least that way the neighbours won’t say, “The baby is so cute, but it’s a shame her mother is retarded” and mean it.
Including this one. The single worst thing about digital cameras is the flood of self-portraits that have made their way online.
The most beautiful woman in the world couldn’t pull off looking sexy in a lifejacket, so what makes you think you’re going to be able to do it while you’re sitting in dingy next to your brother in a dingy. And what does he need that pencil for?
I know, I know, it sucks when your mom drags you to Sears to get your annual portrait done, but lose the hat and let her see your hair when she pulls out the wallet picture to show her friends at work. And you’ve gota little smile somewhere in there, don’t you?
Sure, he’s probably richer than the Queen today, but back in time when this guy was drinking root beer, hanging out online on bulletin boards and slaying dragons in Dungeon Crawl, I was drinking gin from my parents’ liquor cabinet and learning how to smoke. Look who’s laughing now.